Then What’s Next To Do?

Everyone who asks receives . . . —Luke 11:10

Ask if you have not received. There is nothing more difficult than asking. We will have yearnings and desires for certain things, and even suffer as a result of their going unfulfilled, but not until we are at the limit of desperation will we ask. It is the sense of not being spiritually real that causes us to ask. Have you ever asked out of the depths of your total insufficiency and poverty? "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God . . . " (James 1:5), but be sure that you do lack wisdom before you ask. You cannot bring yourself to the point of spiritual reality anytime you choose. The best thing to do, once you realize you are not spiritually real, is to ask God for the Holy Spirit, basing your request on the promise of Jesus Christ (see Luke 11:13 ). The Holy Spirit is the one who makes everything that Jesus did for you real in your life.

"Everyone who asks receives . . . ." This does not mean that you will not get if you do not ask, but it means that until you come to the point of asking, you will not receive from God (see Matthew 5:45). To be able to receive means that you have to come into the relationship of a child of God, and then you comprehend and appreciate mentally, morally, and with spiritual understanding, that these things come from God.

"If any of you lacks wisdom . . . ." If you realize that you are lacking, it is because you have come in contact with spiritual reality— do not put the blinders of reason on again. The word ask actually means "beg." Some people are poor enough to be interested in their poverty, and some of us are poor enough spiritually to show our interest. Yet we will never receive if we ask with a certain result in mind, because we are asking out of our lust, not out of our poverty. A pauper does not ask out of any reason other than the completely hopeless and painful condition of his poverty. He is not ashamed to beg— blessed are the paupers in spirit (see Matthew 5:3).

.when the mind runs out of reasons.

God gave us a mind to use and not waste, but that mind can only go so far. Worship is what happens when the mind runs out of reasons.

- fischtank, may 29/'08

when love takes you in pt. 2

excerpt from miguel's blog; january 28th, 2008 (emphasis mine):

'There is suffering because there is Love. There is despair because there is Hope. We are not nothing because God is something in everything. He is Love. So if you find yourself in Love or in the act of Loving, but at the same time it's not as you expected it to feel because you might be suffering somehow, know that you are Loving more than ever. I think it is in suffering we truly find the need for Love, and when we decide to look for that instead of other worldly things, we will find True meaning.

"...if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love. " -Mother Teresa'



-------

keep loving, brian. you are very near...

.one of the few questions that matter.

[ [ from the fischtank, dec 7 /'07, emphasis mine. ] ]


'Lord, what would you have me to do?'
by John Fischer

My wife stopped me short the other day when she asked me a very basic question for which I had no answer. It involved an assumption that I have been operating under for some time. She asked me if I had checked in with God about it. I was dumbfounded. Well, of course God wants me to do this; it's what I've been doing all along. Yes, but did I get it from Him, or is this what I want to do and assume He is going along with it? The fact that I had to think about my answer told most of the story.

It should be fundamental to every follower of Christ to ask, "Does God want me to do this?"

Much has been made of the question: "What would Jesus do?" But the question is largely irrelevant. Not only is it pure speculation, it has nothing to do with me. I'm not Jesus. Even if I could determine what Jesus would do in a certain situation, what would that have to do with me? I need to find out what God wants me to do.

We need to learn to ask this question of ourselves and of those we love. Either way it will take a good deal of faith. Yesterday our daughter called us from Colorado facing a big decision and seeking our advice. Though we had strong feelings about what we thought she should do, Marti wisely said instead, "What is God telling you? Ask Him, and you will know." I thought that was pretty trusting, and pretty brave of her. It's much easier to try and control and manipulate someone than to genuinely send them to the Lord.

Now I know what you're thinking: "So how does God tell you? How do you find out what He wants you to do?" Why not try asking Him? I honestly think we are so caught up in trying to figure out how to find the will of God, that we never simply go to Him and ask Him what it is! I mean there are volumes of books on the subject of finding the will of God, when the answer basically comes down to asking Him.

Jesus was always telling us that we lack because we fail to ask. Why wouldn't that apply to the basic questions of our lives? "Lord, what would you have me to do?" The answer may take some time. It may take some wrestling. But that's better than living on assumptions. Ask me, I know.

.because it's been far too long.

i've (re-)realized that time is the one resource i have that i must spend wisely. i am sorry that i have not given time to some friends who have trusted me with their time. to friends who have spent time to share things with me over the past few... years. i do intend to share some time with you -- coffee, phone, email, random mall or bus meeting -- and so even if it's short, it will be time well spent. i have not forgetten you. in fact, i have often thought about you. all of you.
i have been praying about a lot of things over the past few months. and deeply -- throughout my two-week stay in Fort McMurray, and since returning two days ago. (I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to lose my way with words.)

i've learned that...though i thought i had many questions since the previous note, i've realized that -- in truth -- there are few questions that are worth asking (now). many of those questions were answered long ago. other answers i simply refused to accept because they hurt. because i refused to believe that i could hurt [(others)]. that i could be a source of lasting hurt. that i could simply be unbearable.

i do believe in growth, though. i hope that i am growing the way that God intends. and if it's anything like jesus... i hope that i my bear my intended burden to the end.

i may fast, but the devil doesn't eat.
i may pray without ceasing, but he doesn't sleep.
i may study my scriptures, but he knows them cover-to-cover.
but i may bear humility... and against it, he is powerless.

...and with the few questions that have remained, the start of the search begins simply. and ends simply.

...in the next blog. will you all join me in its prayer?

The Ministry of the Unnoticed

Blessed are the poor in spirit... —Matthew 5:3

The New Testament notices things that do not seem worthy of notice by our standards. "Blessed are the poor in spirit..." This literally means, "Blessed are the paupers." Paupers are remarkably commonplace! The preaching of today tends to point out a person’s strength of will or the beauty of his character — things that are easily noticed. The statement we so often hear, "Make a decision for Jesus Christ," places the emphasis on something our Lord never trusted. He never asks us to decide for Him, but to yield to Him— something very different. At the foundation of Jesus Christ’s kingdom is the genuine loveliness of those who are commonplace. I am truly blessed in my poverty. If I have no strength of will and a nature without worth or excellence, then Jesus says to me, "Blessed are you, because it is through your poverty that you can enter My kingdom." I cannot enter His kingdom by virtue of my goodness — I can only enter it as an absolute pauper.

The true character of the loveliness that speaks for God is always unnoticed by the one possessing that quality. Conscious influence is prideful and unchristian. If I wonder if I am being of any use to God, I instantly lose the beauty and the freshness of the touch of the Lord. "He who believes in Me...out of his heart will flow rivers of living water" (John 7:38). And if I examine the outflow, I lose the touch of the Lord.

Who are the people who have influenced us most? Certainly not the ones who thought they did, but those who did not have even the slightest idea that they were influencing us. In the Christian life, godly influence is never conscious of itself. If we are conscious of our influence, it ceases to have the genuine loveliness which is characteristic of the touch of Jesus. We always know when Jesus is at work because He produces in the commonplace something that is inspiring.

-utmost, aug 21

.....yield, not decide. gosh.
and truly, the year of surrender is at hand.

"You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you." -Isaiah 26:3

ambivalence trioxeme

Excerpts of Wikipedia entry on Ambivalence ...how fitting, for times such as these. for many, many different reasons.

Ambivalence is a state of having emotions, thoughts or actions in contradiction with each other, when they are related to an object, idea or person (for example, feeling both love and hatred for someone or something).

In psychoanalytic terminology, however, a more refined definition applies: the term (introduced into the discipline by Bleuler in 1911), refers to an underlying emotional attitude in which the co-existing contradictory impulses (usually love and hate) derive from a common source and are thus held to be interdependent. Moreover, when the term is used in this psychoanalytic sense it would not usually be expected that the person embodying this 'ambivalence' would actually feel both of the two contradictory emotions as such: except in obsessional neurosis, which sees both sides being more or less 'balanced' in consciousness, one or other of the conflicting sides is usually repressed. (Thus, for example, an analysand's 'love' for his father might be quite consciously experienced and openly expressed – while his 'hate' for the same object might be heavily repressed and only indirectly expressed, and thus only revealed in analysis).
Another relevant distinction is that whereas the psychoanalytic notion of 'ambivalence' sees it as engendered by all neurotic conflict, a person's everyday 'mixed feelings' may easily be based on a quite realistic assessment of the imperfect, inconsistent or self-contradictory nature of the thing being considered.

Intellectual ambivalence
Intellectual ambivalence refers to an inability or unwillingness to commit oneself to a definite answer, position, or conclusion in thought ("yea or nay"), normally either because a definite stance is deliberately avoided or evaded for some personal motive, or because sufficient grounds (logical or experiential evidence) warranting a definite stance are lacking. To resolve intellectual ambivalence into a definite position is frequently a task for criticism or critique. The main problem with intellectual ambivalence is that it provides no clear guide or orientation for action and leadership. It is difficult to act or lead on the basis that something "might or might not be the case", that something "might or might not be a good idea" etc. In order to act or lead, definite ideas are necessary rather than uncertainty which incapacitates choices and decisions. Thus it often happens that someone in a leadership function pretends to be very "definite" about an issue, because the function requires it, even although he or she is in truth ambivalent about the issue.

ambivalence deuxieme

funny.



am·biv·a·lence
–noun
1.
uncertainty or fluctuation, esp. when caused by inability to make a choice or by a simultaneous desire to say or do two opposite or conflicting things.
2.
Psychology. the coexistence within an individual of positive and negative feelings toward the same person, object, or action, simultaneously drawing him or her in opposite directions.

Prayer in the Father’s Hearing

Jesus lifted up His eyes and said, ’Father, I thank You that You have heard Me’ —John 11:41

When the Son of God prays, He is mindful and consciously aware of only His Father. God always hears the prayers of His Son, and if the Son of God has been formed in me (see Galatians 4:19) the Father will always hear my prayers. But I must see to it that the Son of God is exhibited in my human flesh. "...your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit..." (1 Corinthians 6:19), that is, your body is the Bethlehem of God’s Son. Is the Son of God being given His opportunity to work in me? Is the direct simplicity of His life being worked out in me exactly as it was worked out in His life while here on earth? When I come into contact with the everyday occurrences of life as an ordinary human being, is the prayer of God’s eternal Son to His Father being prayed in me? Jesus says, "In that day you will ask in My name..." (John 16:26). What day does He mean? He is referring to the day when the Holy Spirit has come to me and made me one with my Lord.

Is the Lord Jesus Christ being abundantly satisfied by your life, or are you exhibiting a walk of spiritual pride before Him? Never let your common sense become so prominent and forceful that it pushes the Son of God to one side. Common sense is a gift that God gave to our human nature — but common sense is not the gift of His Son. Supernatural sense is the gift of His Son, and we should never put our common sense on the throne. The Son always recognizes and identifies with the Father, but common sense has never yet done so and never will. Our ordinary abilities will never worship God unless they are transformed by the indwelling Son of God. We must make sure that our human flesh is kept in perfect submission to Him, allowing Him to work through it moment by moment. Are we living at such a level of human dependence upon Jesus Christ that His life is being exhibited moment by moment in us?


-utmost, aug 9


...our daily convos, lord jesus. i can't imagine a day without them.

Prayer in the Father’s Honor

. . . that Holy One who is to be born will be called the Son of God —Luke 1:35

If the Son of God has been born into my human flesh, then am I allowing His holy innocence, simplicity, and oneness with the Father the opportunity to exhibit itself in me? What was true of the Virgin Mary in the history of the Son of God’s birth on earth is true of every saint. God’s Son is born into me through the direct act of God; then I as His child must exercise the right of a child— the right of always being face to face with my Father through prayer. Do I find myself continually saying in amazement to the commonsense part of my life, "Why did you want me to turn here or to go over there? ’Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?’ " (Luke 2:49) Whatever our circumstances may be, that holy, innocent, and eternal Child must be in contact with His Father.

Am I simple enough to identify myself with my Lord in this way? Is He having His wonderful way with me? Is God’s will being fulfilled in that His Son has been formed in me (see Galatians 4:19), or have I carefully pushed Him to one side? Oh, the noisy outcry of today! Why does everyone seem to be crying out so loudly? People today are crying out for the Son of God to be put to death. There is no room here for God’s Son right now— no room for quiet, holy fellowship and oneness with the Father.

Is the Son of God praying in me, bringing honor to the Father, or am I dictating my demands to Him? Is He ministering in me as He did in the time of His manhood here on earth? Is God’s Son in me going through His passion, suffering so that His own purposes might be fulfilled? The more a person knows of the inner life of God’s most mature saints, the more he sees what God’s purpose really is: to "...fill up in my flesh what is lacking in the afflictions of Christ..." (Colossians 1:24). And when we think of what it takes to "fill up," there is always something yet to be done.


-utmost, aug 8


like a child i take you at your word
as these mountains of doubt -- they fade away
i'm longing to trust and love you more
so for me this is beautiful
a brand new thought and a brand new world
can i stay here forever here with you?

Prayer in the Father’s House

...they found Him in the temple...And He said to them, ’...Did you not know that I must be about My Father’s business?’ —Luke 2:46, 49

Our Lord’s childhood was not immaturity waiting to grow into manhood -— His childhood is an eternal fact. Am I a holy, innocent child of God as a result of my identification with my Lord and Savior? Do I look at my life as being in my Father’s house? Is the Son of God living in His Father’s house within me?

The only abiding reality is God Himself, and His order comes to me moment by moment. Am I continually in touch with the reality of God, or do I pray only when things have gone wrong -— when there is some disturbance in my life? I must learn to identify myself closely with my Lord in ways of holy fellowship and oneness that some of us have not yet even begun to learn. "...I must be about My Father’s business" — and I must learn to live every moment of my life in my Father’s house.

Think about your own circumstances. Are you so closely identified with the Lord’s life that you are simply a child of God, continually talking to Him and realizing that everything comes from His hands? Is the eternal Child in you living in His Father’s house? Is the grace of His ministering life being worked out through you in your home, your business, and in your circle of friends? Have you been wondering why you are going through certain circumstances? In fact, it is not that you have to go through them. It is because of your relationship with the Son of God who comes, through the providential will of His Father, into your life. You must allow Him to have His way with you, staying in perfect oneness with Him.

The life of your Lord is to become your vital, simple life, and the way He worked and lived among people while here on earth must be the way He works and lives in you.

-utmost, aug 7


be thankful in the circumstance; in any circumstances. it means jesus is working.

.......thank you jesus for never going on holiday.

The Cross in Prayer

In that day you will ask in My name... —John 16:26

We too often think of the Cross of Christ as something we have to get through, yet we get through for the purpose of getting into it. The Cross represents only one thing for us— complete, entire, absolute identification with the Lord Jesus Christ— and there is nothing in which this identification is more real to us than in prayer.

"Your Father knows the things you have need of before you ask Him" (Matthew 6:8). Then why should we ask? The point of prayer is not to get answers from God, but to have perfect and complete oneness with Him. If we pray only because we want answers, we will become irritated and angry with God. We receive an answer every time we pray, but it does not always come in the way we expect, and our spiritual irritation shows our refusal to identify ourselves truly with our Lord in prayer. We are not here to prove that God answers prayer, but to be living trophies of God’s grace.

"...I do not say to you that I shall pray the Father for you; for the Father Himself loves you..." (John 16:26-27). Have you reached such a level of intimacy with God that the only thing that can account for your prayer life is that it has become one with the prayer life of Jesus Christ? Has our Lord exchanged your life with His vital life? If so, then "in that day" you will be so closely identified with Jesus that there will be no distinction.

When prayer seems to be unanswered, beware of trying to place the blame on someone else. That is always a trap of Satan. When you seem to have no answer, there is always a reason— God uses these times to give you deep personal instruction, and it is not for anyone else but you.


-utmost, aug 6



lead me to the cross where your love poured out
bring me to my knees lord i lay me down
rid me of myself i belong to you
oh lead me -- lead me to the cross!



.....with fear, trembling, wonder and awe, excitement, mourning -- now emptied of all strength.....

do what You must.

when i want to cry...

i never have a place to do it.

others are so lucky to be able to let it out once in a while.

The Bewildering Call of God

The Bewildering Call of God

" '...and all things that are written by the prophets concerning the Son of Man will be accomplished. ' ...But they understood none of these things..." —Luke 18:31, 34

God called Jesus Christ to what seemed absolute disaster. And Jesus Christ called His disciples to see Him put to death, leading every one of them to the place where their hearts were broken. His life was an absolute failure from every standpoint except God’s. But what seemed to be failure from man’s standpoint was a triumph from God’s standpoint, because God’s purpose is never the same as man’s purpose.

This bewildering call of God comes into our lives as well. The call of God can never be understood absolutely or explained externally; it is a call that can only be perceived and understood internally by our true inner-nature. The call of God is like the call of the sea— no one hears it except the person who has the nature of the sea in him. What God calls us to cannot be definitely stated, because His call is simply to be His friend to accomplish His own purposes. Our real test is in truly believing that God knows what He desires. The things that happen do not happen by chance— they happen entirely by the decree of God. God is sovereignly working out His own purposes.

If we are in fellowship and oneness with God and recognize that He is taking us into His purposes, then we will no longer strive to find out what His purposes are. As we grow in the Christian life, it becomes simpler to us, because we are less inclined to say, "I wonder why God allowed this or that?" And we begin to see that the compelling purpose of God lies behind everything in life, and that God is divinely shaping us into oneness with that purpose. A Christian is someone who trusts in the knowledge and the wisdom of God, not in his own abilities. If we have a purpose of our own, it destroys the simplicity and the calm, relaxed pace which should be characteristic of the children of God.

- utmost, aug 5


...and the feeling of inadequacy is normal?

of course, brian. it is required. otherwise, there is nothing of you that can bring glory to Me. How can I prove to the world that I love -- without your inadequacy? Just bring yourself to the appointed place at the appointed time. You know that I will always be with you wherever you go.... but I will also be watching the places where you are not. I will be caring for those whom you also love, when you are not present.

have I ever failed you?

lord jesus, take me captive.

The Compelling Purpose of God

The Compelling Purpose of God
He ... said to them, ’Behold, we are going up to Jerusalem... —Luke 18:31


Jerusalem, in the life of our Lord, represents the place where He reached the culmination of His Father’s will. Jesus said, "I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me" (John 5:30). Seeking to do "the will of the Father" was the one dominating concern throughout our Lord’s life. And whatever He encountered along the way, whether joy or sorrow, success or failure, He was never deterred from that purpose. "...He steadfastly set His face to go to Jerusalem..." (Luke 9:51).

The greatest thing for us to remember is that we go up to Jerusalem to fulfill God’s purpose, not our own. In the natural life our ambitions are our own, but in the Christian life we have no goals of our own. We talk so much today about our decisions for Christ, our determination to be Christians, and our decisions for this and that, but in the New Testament the only aspect that is brought out is the compelling purpose of God. "You did not choose Me, but I chose you..." (John 15:16).

We are not taken into a conscious agreement with God’s purpose— we are taken into God’s purpose with no awareness of it at all. We have no idea what God’s goal may be; as we continue, His purpose becomes even more and more vague. God’s aim appears to have missed the mark, because we are too nearsighted to see the target at which He is aiming. At the beginning of the Christian life, we have our own ideas as to what God’s purpose is. We say, "God means for me to go over there," and, "God has called me to do this special work." We do what we think is right, and yet the compelling purpose of God remains upon us. The work we do is of no account when compared with the compelling purpose of God. It is simply the scaffolding surrounding His work and His plan. "He took the twelve aside..." ( Luke 18:31 ). God takes us aside all the time. We have not yet understood all there is to know of the compelling purpose of God.

-utmost, aug 3



where i live, where i work, who i marry...

Lord, what are you trying to accomplish?

.........then again, would i so-easily say yes if i knew?

...you always know how to deliver a good surprise.

Shoes Off

When God met Moses through a burning bush, He told him to take off his shoes because He was standing on holy ground. I've been thinking about that holy ground lately and wondering why God had Moses remove his shoes.

...One rabbi remarked how Jews cover their heads as a sign of respect, but uncover their feet. That would seem to indicate to both humility and vulnerability.

Rabbi Yaacov Haber commented about that vulnerability. "With shoes, one can walk over stones, glass, water, even fire and not feel a thing. Without shoes, one can feel everything. Step on the slightest protrusion, even a little Lego, and the pain climbs right up the spine.

"If you're going to be a leader... you must remove the insulation that you wear to protect yourself.... It will hurt but you must be able to feel every bump, every nick and cranny; you must be able to feel the pain. A person who is responsive to external conditions or stimulation is a person who will be susceptible to the attitudes, feelings, or circumstances of others. It is this individual who can develop a meaningful relationship."

...As if this wasn't enough, there is still one more interpretation of the metaphor, and perhaps it is the most important. For Moses, the burning bush represented the presence of God. Today, the kingdom of God has come; His Holy Spirit is here; and thus the presence of God is everywhere. So Rabbi Melanie Aron can say, "The place upon which you are standing, that is the exact situation in which you find yourself, is a holy place. In whatever distracting and difficult situation you find yourself, there are opportunities for holiness."

...May we walk today as if our shoes were off -- sensitive to the environment and to the needs of those around us, humble and vulnerable before the Lord, and aware of the fact that wherever we step, it's holy ground.

- John Fischer, "shoes off" (excerpts, catch of the day, may 18th '07)

---

"It will hurt but you must be able to feel every bump, every nick and cranny..."

...Lord, let me be the tender warrior -- the one who bears the bears the yoke and burden of servant-kingship, the one who will step into the gap in the critical moment, and the one who loves those in his charge deliberately without fail...

Thank you.

from the first 24 hours.

For those who have prayed for us and with us in the past year, thank you. please keep praying for us. God isn't finished with us yet!

ps: courtship is the way to go!

answered prayers

Details on and after tuesday's HH.

Beware of the Least Likely Temptation

...Always remain alert to the fact that where one person has turned back is exactly where anyone may be tempted to turn back (see 1 Corinthians 10:11-13 ). You may have just victoriously gone through a great crisis, but now be alert about the things that may appear to be the least likely to tempt you. Beware of thinking that the areas of your life where you have experienced victory in the past are now the least likely to cause you to stumble and fall.

We are apt to say, "It is not at all likely that having been through the greatest crisis of my life I would now turn back to the things of the world." Do not try to predict where the temptation will come; it is the least likely thing that is the real danger. It is in the aftermath of a great spiritual event that the least likely things begin to have an effect. They may not be forceful and dominant, but they are there. And if you are not careful to be forewarned, they will trip you. You have remained true to God under great and intense trials— now beware of the undercurrent. Do not be abnormally examining your inner self, looking forward with dread, but stay alert; keep your memory sharp before God. Unguarded strength is actually a double weakness, because that is where the least likely temptations will be effective in sapping strength. The Bible characters stumbled over their strong points, never their weak ones.

". . . kept by the power of God . . ."— that is the only safety. ( 1 Peter 1:5 ).


- utmost, april 19th

it's the only way.

"Pray... It's the only way God will know you really want something."
-Vince Gomba

has it been 2 years already?

has it been 2 years already?

that reading will follow me to the ends of the earth.

and yet, decision after decision... i pray that i am nearing something.


When love takes you in everything changes
A miracle starts with the beat of a heart
When love takes you home and says you belong here
The loneliness ends and a new life begins
When love takes you in it takes you in for good
When love takes you in







"...If the Spirit of God has stirred you, make as many of your decisions as possible irrevocable, and let the consequences be what they will... When God gives us a vision, we must transact business with Him at that point, no matter what the cost."

and for the first time...

i've never been away from home for so long.
i've never felt homesick before.


and for the first time in my life...

i think i understand it now.

hamilton (bda), be kind to me for the next few days.

Look Again and Think

Do not worry about your life . . . —Matthew 6:25

A warning which needs to be repeated is that "the cares of this world and the deceitfulness of riches," and the lust for other things, will choke out the life of God in us (Matthew 13:22). We are never free from the recurring waves of this invasion. If the frontline of attack is not about clothes and food, it may be about money or the lack of money; or friends or lack of friends; or the line may be drawn over difficult circumstances. It is one steady invasion, and these things will come in like a flood, unless we allow the Spirit of God to raise up the banner against it.
"I say to you, do not worry about your life . . . ." Our Lord says to be careful only about one thing-our relationship to Him. But our common sense shouts loudly and says, "That is absurd, I must consider how I am going to live, and I must consider what I am going to eat and drink." Jesus says you must not. Beware of allowing yourself to think that He says this while not understanding your circumstances. Jesus Christ knows our circumstances better than we do, and He says we must not think about these things to the point where they become the primary concern of our life. Whenever there are competing concerns in your life, be sure you always put your relationship to God first.

"Sufficient for the day is its own trouble" (Matthew 6:34). How much trouble has begun to threaten you today? What kind of mean little demons have been looking into your life and saying, "What are your plans for next month— or next summer?" Jesus tells us not to worry about any of these things. Look again and think. Keep your mind on the "much more" of your heavenly Father (Matthew 6:30).

- utmost, jan 27

on forgiveness...

"To forgive is not just to be altruistic. It is the best form of self-interest. It is also a process that does not exclude hatred and anger. These emotions are all part of being human. You should never hate yourself for hating others who do terrible things: the depth of your love is shown by the extent of your anger.

However, when I talk of forgiveness I mean the belief that you can come out the other side a better person. A better person than the one being consumed by anger and hatred. Remaining in that state locks you in a state of victimhood, making you almost dependent on the perpetrator. If you can find it in yourself to forgive then you are no longer chained to the perpetrator. You can move on, and you can even help the perpetrator to become a better person too.

But the process of forgiveness also requires acknowledgement on the part of the perpetrator that they have committed an offence. I don’t like to talk about my own personal experience of forgiveness, although some of the things people have tried to do to my family are close to what I’d consider unforgivable. I don’t talk about these things because I have witnessed so many incredible people who, despite experiencing atrocity and tragedy, have come to a point in their lives where they are able to forgive. Take the Craddock Four, for example. The police ambushed their car, killed them in the most gruesome manner, set their car alight. When, at a TRC hearing, the teenage daughter of one of the victims was asked: would you be able to forgive the people who did this to you and your family? She answered, “We would like to forgive, but we would just like to know who to forgive.” How fantastic to see this young girl, still human despite all efforts to dehumanise her."

- Archbishop Desmond Tutu



and oh, lord, do we need forgiveness...

Leave Room for God

When it pleased God . . . — Galatians 1:15

As servants of God, we must learn to make room for Him -- to give God "elbow room." We plan and figure and predict that this or that will happen, but we forget to make room for God to come in as He chooses. Would we be surprised if God came into our meeting or into our preaching in a way we had never expected Him to come? Do not look for God to come in a particular way, but do look for Him. The way to make room for Him is to expect Him to come, but not in a certain way. No matter how well we may know God, the great lesson to learn is that He may break in at any minute. We tend to overlook this element of surprise, yet God never works in any other way. Suddenly— God meets our life "...when it pleased God...."

Keep your life so constantly in touch with God that His surprising power can break through at any point. Live in a constant state of expectancy, and leave room for God to come in as He decides.

- utmost, jan 25


lord, it's been too long since we've had "you&me" time. really -- just you&me. remember that long walk that we took a couple of summers ago? you spoke; i listened. and now? you know how much i want to share my life... and the plans of my heart. if there is more left to do, please break them open so that they can be useful to others. please keep me strong in the brokenness.

"It Is the Lord!"

Thomas answered and said to Him, ’My Lord and my God!’ —John 20:28

Jesus said to her, ’Give Me a drink’ " (John 4:7). How many of us are expecting Jesus Christ to quench our thirst when we should be satisfying Him! We should be pouring out our lives, investing our total beings, not drawing on Him to satisfy us. "You shall be witnesses to Me . . ." (Acts 1:8). That means lives of pure, uncompromising, and unrestrained devotion to the Lord Jesus, which will be satisfying to Him wherever He may send us.

Beware of anything that competes with your loyalty to Jesus Christ. The greatest competitor of true devotion to Jesus is the service we do for Him. It is easier to serve than to pour out our lives completely for Him. The goal of the call of God is His satisfaction, not simply that we should do something for Him. We are not sent to do battle for God, but to be used by God in His battles. Are we more devoted to service than we are to Jesus Christ Himself?

- utmost, jan 18 (emphasis mine)

HEART[for reference]

HEART:
Do you wait until they greet you or do you reach out to them first with joy?
Do you try to say hello to everyone or do you select only a few?
Do you mingle and show interest in other people's interests or choose only that interests you?
Do you invite them into your life or do you avoid talking about it?
Do you make them feel warm and welcome around you or do they feel uncomfortable?
Do you offer them what you have or not have, or do you shy away from offering?
Do you smile to them or often have a blank face when you look at them in the eye?
Do you call them out of the blue seeing how they are and listen to them?
Do you show them courtesy even if they are not to you?
Do you get out of your way or do things that is just reasonable?
Do you make others feel important or let them gain your attention first?
Do you earn their respect first or do you wait until they have earned yours?
Do you tire yourself for them or do you like to be always comfortable?
Do you choose who to help or help everyone despite you like them or not?
Do you make yourself available or does it need to be scheduled?
Do you shun people you dislike or be respectful and accept who they are?
Do you think how hard to be in their shoes or how hard it is to be in your shoes?
Do you think that you deserve what you have worked hard for or have your worked hard but have no expectations?

What does Jesus do in all these questions? Repeat the questions again and would your answers be different?

Ask yourself, have you earned their trust (not them earning yours first) to let your heart known to them?

Am I the quarter or dollar?

interesting. credit *not* mine.

Am I the quarter or dollar?

A quarter is of great value to a little boy. The world is the equivalent of it. Sometimes he wants to give it away, sometimes he is the stingiest person because he cares so much of it. Sometimes a little boy can mistakenly misplace it. He either chooses to keep looking for it or ends up running into another one. Sometimes that other one keeps him in awe and he ends up losing interest with the quarter he lost. Now it's a dollar. Then he realizes it better to have a dollar than a quarter. Considering the following: a dollar can go further than the quarter and the dollar looks much cleaner than the dirty quarter that has been everywhere. The scratches, dents, and dirt keeps the boy wanting the dollar even more. As the little boy wanders the world of advertising, he comes to a conclusion that he can get more with the dollar than the quarter. Not only that, he tries to impress others by letting them know that he has a dollar and not a quarter. At this point, the quarter is of no interest to the little boy who steps on one and doesn't even bother to pick it up.

The same is true with the choice of loving or liking someone.

The first time the little girl looks at the boy, she is awe of him. She decides to get to know him and falls head over heels for him because she values him so much in her life. When they mistakenly get into arguments, sometimes she doesn't bother to give him any attention. After awhile, she realizes she loves him and never wants to give up on looking for him. SInce she just likes him, she is prone to falling for another guy. Why? Maybe because she is tired of looking at the boy who has gone through so much and all she can see is the scratches, dents and dirt in his life. At this point, the new boy is much cuter. Now she is excited to tell all her friends how the new guy is of much more value than the ex boyfriend. Sometimes, it can be to the point where she doesn't want anything to do with him. Not even a smile or a 2 second glance will get her to look at the old boy.

Robert Filoramo - Song of a Servant

I now declare my allegiance to you, O Lord
My life and my will at your service my God
Where you go I will go and You’ll lead the way
My God, I will live and die for You

Show me where to live O Lord and I’ll live.
Show me where to die O Lord and I’ll die.
Show me what to do and I’ll do it by Your side;
My God, I will live and die for You.

At the sound of Your voice Master, I will obey.
I will watch every motion You make with open eyes
May my ears be clear to hear Your command;
My God, I will live and die for You.

Should it be the last breath I take O Lord?
I will use to sing a song of praises to you
Should it be my last drop of blood? I will shed it for You.
My God, I will live and die for You.

I now declare my allegiance to you, O Lord
My life and my will at your service my God
Where you go I will go and You’ll lead the way
My God, I will live and die for You

What My Obedience to God Costs Other People

As they led Him away, they laid hold of a certain man, Simon... and on him they laid the cross that he might bear it after Jesus —Luke 23:26

If we obey God, it is going to cost other people more than it costs us, and that is where the pain begins. If we are in love with our Lord, obedience does not cost us anything — it is a delight. But to those who do not love Him, our obedience does cost a great deal. If we obey God, it will mean that other people’s plans are upset. They will ridicule us as if to say, "You call this Christianity?" We could prevent the suffering, but not if we are obedient to God. We must let the cost be paid.

When our obedience begins to cost others, our human pride entrenches itself and we say, "I will never accept anything from anyone." But we must, or disobey God. We have no right to think that the type of relationships we have with others should be any different from those the Lord Himself had (see Luke 8:1-3).

A lack of progress in our spiritual life results when we try to bear all the costs ourselves. And actually, we cannot. Because we are so involved in the universal purposes of God, others are immediately affected by our obedience to Him. Will we remain faithful in our obedience to God and be willing to suffer the humiliation of refusing to be independent? Or will we do just the opposite and say, "I will not cause other people to suffer"? We can disobey God if we choose, and it will bring immediate relief to the situation, but it will grieve our Lord. If, however, we obey God, He will care for those who have suffered the consequences of our obedience. We must simply obey and leave all the consequences with Him.

Beware of the inclination to dictate to God what consequences you would allow as a condition of your obedience to Him. - utmost, jan 11

After a While

After a while you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You will learn that love doesn’t mean total dependence and company doesn’t mean security. You learn that kisses aren’t contracts and presents are not promises.

After a while you begin to accept your defeats with your head up and eyes open, with the grace of an adult and not the grief of a child.

You will learn to build all your roads in today because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even those who love you will hurt you and that even sunshine burns if you get too much.

So, plant your garden and decorate your own soul… instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers… and you will learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and you really do have worth and dignity and inner beauty and being an adult is pretty neat.