running total of scarborough trips till my MetroPass gets me savings = 63 / 52
[yup, kicked the TTCs ASS!!!]

you know, that total would be higher as of today, but...

long story short -- i lost my wallet somewhere on the bus system yesterday after school.... i mean, forget that i lost the 30 some-odd dollars i was saving up... heck -- even forget the metropass, not because i kicked the TTCs ass with it, but because that can be replaced.... replacing ID is not so easy... especially since you need ID to get ID...

the ID, the old movie stubs, the transfers, the pictures.... heck... i know not to worry, but it can be so frustrating to know that you can do nothing about something that was more or less your own fault...

i'm frustrated, yes... and the easier thing for me to do would be to be angry at the whole thing... but what good'll that do me?

what else can i do but pray? the only thing keeping me calm about this is my faith... my belief that this is a situ that the Lord has put me in for a purpose..

funny.. last night, i wasn't scared to call my parents and tell them about it.. i mean, i aleady did all that i could've done -- wait for the bus to turn around, ask each bus driver passing me, call the dispatch center for the bus routes i was on for information, calling the lost articles division at Bay subway station downtown (still doing that too!)...

between waiting for the next bus, i could do nothing but pray, try to keep myself calm..
before and after each call to Bay station, i can do nothing but pray, that it will turn up eventually...
on each bus -- sitting down, standing up -- i haven't had earphones in my ears because i can do nothing but pray...

i started this with a question in my head, asking, "what is God preparing me for?" He knows i'm frustrated... but maybe He put me in this situ because He knows i can handle it....

lost my old phone, lost my car [to insurance] [and with it my freedom], my wallet... yes, it's frustrating... except this time, i'm praying a lot more about everything... and i know it's helping me -- even if my wallet isn't found, i'll thank Him for it.. i can't get angry at Him anymore...

remember that story about the guy in the bible... Job? i can't remember it exactly, [duh, haven't read it]... fictional story... God and Satan make this deal that no matter what God was to take away from Job -- his wealth, land, livelihood, family(?) -- Job won' turn away from God... something like that... i've always wanted to read it.. one of those "test of faith" stories... maybe i'll do that after my exam tomorrow...

i realize i am weak in this situ, i just pray that i have the streghth to endure it...
i just want to submit...this situ, exams, everything to the Lord... because i can't do this alone.

it's a frustrating experience for me, and i still have flashes of frustration, but... you: don't be frustrated about it.. only one of us needs to be. and i understand that even i don't need to be...

if anyone's out there... just pray for me.

i need all the help i can get at this point.

running total of scarborough trips till my MetroPass gets me savings = 52 / 52
[yup, i was still counting! and i made it woo-hooooo!]

Today's Visual Basic Code is:
lblJackiesCharacter.Caption = "Beautiful"

[ i just realized i haven't learned anything new in VB for the past 3 weeks [code-wise] ...
maybe because the teacher makes everyone clueless....?]

you know, i've been coming quite the starcraft nerd in the past couple of weeks.. [that's starcraft classic, not brood war...] so that explains the sparse updates... funny how it's not school that's keeping me away from the internet, it's damned starcraft..
[then again, i've been playing people online for the past 2 days.. damn, that's competitive...! but it's an old game...]

...so me and jackie had a nice walk in the park today.. just a nice walk and talk like we used to do, back in grade...wow, grade 12 was it? that was almost 2 years ago!
[how time flies, huh?]

after a few weeks of not doing so, we finally took booth pictures! so those'll also be on AsianAvenue for a while...

.....so i'm on my home from our walk, waiting in the bus shelter.. sipping my iced tea, sitting on the bench... peek over.. no bus? okay...

10 seconds..
20 secondes...
30 seconds...

ZOOM!

yup, zoomed right past me.... ah well, it was a nice day today! well, nicer than the past couple of days anyway... the next one almost did the same thing, save for the other standing at the bus stop...

since i can't remember the order in which things get posted when two posts are on the same day, the following [or preceding] is an essay i wrote for my exam on wednesday evening... oh, how i love that english class! [sarcasm] by the way, this was in respone to an essay by Susan Sontag entitled "Beauty". the response question was:

Define your own idea of beauty. Is it an internal or an external quality?

some is from memory, the other is stuff i'm adding as i go.. .
[unfortunately, it will have to wait... exams and all.. fun-fun-fun!]

Today's Visual Basic Code is:
lblBriansFeeling.Caption = "Bored"

'm bored... sitting in class right now... not really paying attention to the class... what am i doing here? there's no attendance...

what's with the weather? i guess we all wish that warmer weather we had for the past couple days would come back...

why do i feel so restless today?
so i was working on a proposal for school today.. the due date was extended to today, but i think i was the only one who knew that... it's like they all disappeared after our original was done... and since no one was around to give me any real help, i didn't get to finish it for them in time... not that our whole group of six was completely useless, but only about half of us were of any real help... oh well, our original proposal was mostly crap... crap of my own design (for the most part)... that's a good 20% deducted off our proposals, which is almost half the project in itself... teacher's beginning to become an ass with these proposals and presentations... how are you supposed to work with people who don't wanna do any work in the first place?

i mean, i know i've been that one of those people who don't do as much as the rest... the other people start without me... but hey, it's not that i'm not willing to put in any work, to put some touches a presentation as a whole... i'd feel guilty if my grades were riding on someone else's work....

oh Lord, grant me patience....

---

stil bored... maybe i should play some TextTwist..?

[by the time i get home today --> 33 / 52]

Today's Visual Basic Code is:
Me.Show

running total of scarborough trips till my MetroPass gets me savings = 28 / 52
[that's coming allong quite nicely, i think.. almost halfway through the month, more than halfway to that 52 mark....!]

---

the past few days have been GRR-R-R-R-REAT! seriously..! i think it all started on saturday with the leader's assembly at the Duque's place... (beautiful house, don't you agree guys (who've been there) ?) wow....

men's household heads... wow, talk about ShareFest, huh..? after all that sharing we, it's great to know that we all have the same mission and vision for YFC... it has been a while since i got into any deep talk about faith and all... totally refreshing...

and necessary! the soul not only needs a flushing of the bad stuff every once in a while, but also a sharing of the good stuff in our lives... all that sharing we did... you know, hearing CFCs do sharings... the experiences that they have... what else can i say? i know i learned a lot from it -- from all the sharing we did!

gotta pray... we know how to use it...how else would we get stuff done?

Today's Visual Basic Code is:
Private Sub Brian(Frustration)
   Do Until Anger = False
       Call Yell()
       Call Scream()
   Loop
End Sub

running total of scarborough trips till my MetroPass gets me savings = 20 / 52
[out of the way now...]

---

april 10th... i woundn't now where to begin with all the frustrations of the past couple of days.... but i think it all topped off with what happened a couple hours ago...

---

so, i was dropped off at McCowan and Steeles so i could take the 129A home [which was close by already]... me and jackie just finished praying, so i get out of the car, run to get on the bus...

now, how could i have *possibly dropped my cell phone, without me knowing...? only a 10m distance to cover between the car and the bus...

so i figured, "okay, i left it in the car... hope she finds it!"

and when i get home, my parents [who were on their way out] tell me that some lady called using my cell phone "about 10 minutes ago." she said that they would leave it at woodside...

so my parents go out, while i'm thinking they were gonna get some grocery shopping done... i figured that they'd let me handle it on my own, so i kept trying to call my phone back...

no answer...
no answer...
no answer.........
no answer.............
....what's this, now it's off..???
it's off?
IT'S OFF???

WHAT THE (expletive)

how do i express how frustrated i was..?
"at woodside? where at woodside? where am i supposed to go? what the (expletive) am i supposed to do?"

and there i was, shouting at the top of my lungs because i was so frustrated... [thank God no one was home]...
and there i was praying through all that frustration... i didn't know what else to do but yell and pray!

[and a good 15 minutes of both frustration and prayer in full force, it comes to me...]

"....wait... why am i worrying...? it's found, right...? the lady said she'd drop it at woodside... that means it's not really lost..."

[another 3 minutes... calming down...]

"'drop it at woodside...' does woodside have a lost and found department? what's the phone number? ......whoa, they have a website? ah-hah, that's kinda funny..."

[another 5 minutes, no answer from woodside security department...]

"okay... but still, where would she drop it at woodside...? okay, must go to woodside, find it there..."

    "Don't let me down, Lord..."
    "What are you saying? has He ever done that before?"

[feeling better.. smirk...]

gotta call parents, tell them i'm going to look for it at woodside...

[call dad's cell phone...]

"hey dad, i'm going to woodside to go get my phone........."
"uh, we already got it, we just picked it up..."

HO-LEE FREEG!

[and.... RELAX....... *whew*]

apparently, my parents didn't tell me that the lady said she was gonna drop it at the Roger's there.... geez....

---

"Don't let me down, Lord..."
"What are you saying? has He ever done that before?"
              -- me, [and me again shortly after]

THANK YOU, LORD... i'm feeling much better now...

---

see? the Lord does answer prayers...
if there's anything i've learned in the past few days, it's the awesome power of prayer...
isn't prayer so cool?

ho-lee freeg!

Today's Visual Basic Code is:
MsgBox " Syntax Error in Brian(Prayer)! Arguement not understood by variable 'EveryoneElse.' " , vbInformation, "Cannot Compile!"

another "bright-and-early" edition of blogging...
running total of scarborough trips till my MetroPass gets me savings = 13 / 52
[had to get that out of the way....]

---

ever feel like no one understands you? okay, well, everyone gets that; being a teenager doesn't help either...

i think what's worse is when you feel that no one wants to understand, or even cares to understand you... not only the pain and hardships you go through, but the joys and laughter you witness every day -- God's little miracles in everyday life...

i love prayer... and sometimes i want nothing else but to share the joy i get in prayer, in praise... does anyone realize how much it hurts -- how frustrating it is -- when you can't even share that with the people you love the most? the people whom you want to feel the same happiness -- the same basic joy -- that you feel?

i've made many compromises to get this far in my relationship with God --
   to learn as much as i've learned from my Lord,
   to feel how much i've allowed Him change me,
   to be as happy as He wants me to be,
   to do the work he has called me to do.

-- seven years, still learning, still going strong --

I've gone through most of my hardships alone: just God and me.

But don't think it was easy,
     don't think that i wanted to do everything alone,
         i had no choice -- who would understand, or even wanted to?
         no one cared, or no one cared to ask back then,
            because there's you.
     don't think that i can go back to that so easily,
         i've passed the point of no return a long time ago,
         i can't stop now,
            not for my sake, anyway.

i love prayer... not only because it calms in the midst of my own fears,
   not only because it brings me peace in a world full of scary things and happenings,
   not only because it's what keeping me from going over the edge,
   and not only because it brings me so such joy in praise....

if i really think about it...
i how much do i owe the Guy...? and his Son..?
only my life, and only a little advertising of Their work within me...
is that not my duty? and if i can't even do that with the people i love most..................

and to you who's made my life bearable and believable...
read this and tell me...

now do you get me?

"When two or more are gathered in my name, I am there in their midst." (Matt. 18:20)

Today's Visual Basic Code is:
MsgBox "Syntax Error in SARS() -- code not understood! ", vbCritical, "Cannot Compile!"
MsgBox "Inform the network administrator the network will be shut down indefinitely for no apparent reason.", vbInformation, "Cannot Compile!"
'network administrator's worst nightmare

this morning was another fun morning.. only 10 minutes to get ready, mom almost beating me to the car again.... slow-going ride to scarborough, slower-going ride on the bus in scarborough; why did that progress bus take so long to get to town centre?

sitting at this computer in the cafeteria at school, sipping a tim horton's french vanilla, i look out the windows... all this snow -- in april! toronto was hit pretty hard with an ice storm yesterday mid-afternoon... it's weird -- walking through it, it's like walking on cold, hard sand... like sand that's been rained on slightly... snowed for at least 12-14 hours (that's as long as i stayed up)...

being in toronto, with the SARS (severe acute respiratory syndrome <--- [as if you didn't already know!]) scare and all... the cold isn't helping it... more people get sick in winter because people pack themselves into buses and malls to stay out of the cold... there's more chance to spread sickness because you're with more people than in the summer (in a closed area).... i'm sure that everyone who needs hospital resources must be frustrated with all the precautions that are being taken... loved ones can't be visited unless it's absolutely necessary (e.g., palliative care and other reasons i can't remember)....

but yeah, this global plague (if you will)... it's scary, if you think about it.. people around the world have died from it... if someone i knew became infected -- and i couldn't even visit them..... .....very frustrating, indeed... it gives me shivers thinking about it.

Jackie, being in the very heart of SARSborough...
you're in my prayers.

......be careful, okay?

running total of scarborough trips till my MetroPass gets me savings = 9 / 52

Today's Visual Bsic Code is:
Static BankAccount as Currency
BankAccount = 0
'declare Static variable BankAccount as Currency type (Static -- variable retains the first given value)

Give me your tired, poor and huddled masses.

i don't have a job right now... i'm currently not working because my parents want me to finish school first... (parental 'suggestion')... therefore, my parents are funding me...

this morning was "fun," though... my siblings and i should play a game: "Who Can Get to the Car Before Mom Does?" she's always the last one to settle in to car....

"ay, i forgot my glasses!"
"ay, my purse!"
"ay, the camera!"

most mornings, dad drives us down to scarborough... we usually leave at 6:30-7:00am (or 6:00am (supposedly), if mom has day shift at the hospital)... mayn did i wake up late(r than i normally do, anyway)! i only had about 10-15 minutes to get ready... AND --get this -- mom almost beat me to the car!

as i was rushing to get my things, she already had her shoes on... and if i'm losing the race for 2nd last place, then i really am late... as i'm about to step out of the house...

she walks back in,
"ay, my keys, where did i put my keys?" or something like that...
yesss... wasn't the last one after all!

---

oh yes.. today i had a full 79 (seventy-nine!) cents to use to buy stuff to eat .. wednesdays, i have school from 8:30am to 10:00pm (officially)... so i have to eat at least one meal... and since i don't usually have breakfast anymore (today was no exception), i was really hungry when i went on my first break...

and today i had a 6-hour break instead of the normal 4-hour break...
so for about 1/2 of that break, i'm updating my aa page...
by then i'm going nuts; even though i was suppoosed to do homework that was due for the class after my break, i'm thinking,"gotta get out of here, gotta eat something!"

so i go to bridlewood to meet jackie after she finished her shift...
thank goodness she funded me... (tee-nks!) she didn't have breakfast either... even though we were *both hungry, we went cheap-ee food today... love those chinese buns!

she saved my life today.
well, at least my hunger.

man, i'm poor.
12:05am

running total of scarborough bus trips for the month of April = 8

Today's Visual Basic Code is:
Dim MetroPass as Currency
'declare new variable "MetroPass" as Currency type

i love my metropass.

from walking everywhere,
to driving everywhere, and now
taking the bus everywhere...

i've only had my metro pass for one day... if i was using regular bus tickets today, i would have used FIVE.. today, i only used ONE! and Markham transit shouldn't even really count, so... since i'm taking my next semester in summer school, i'm sure my parents will allow me to hold this new-found power until i can drive again! i once again have the freedom to go anywhere! Muahahahahhah

i did some calulations...
average month = 22 work days
round trip = 44 tickets
adult metropass = about 52 bus tickets -- must travel 8 more times

---

extra trips to malls = approx 2 per week * 4 weeks = 8 tickets
bus to meetings and assemblies on weekends = approx. 3 per month * 2 (round trip) = 12 tickets
miscellaneous trips approx 1 per week * 4 weeks * 2 (round trip) = 8 tickets

44 + 8 + 12 + 8 = 72 tickets
york region transit use per month = average 2.5 tickets per week * 4 weeks = 20 tickets
72 tickets (MetroPass-ed) - 20 (Real) tickets = 52 tickets

watch out TTC, i'm gonna milk every penny out of this metropass, and then some!