running total of scarborough trips till my MetroPass gets me savings = 63 / 52
[yup, kicked the TTCs ASS!!!]

you know, that total would be higher as of today, but...

long story short -- i lost my wallet somewhere on the bus system yesterday after school.... i mean, forget that i lost the 30 some-odd dollars i was saving up... heck -- even forget the metropass, not because i kicked the TTCs ass with it, but because that can be replaced.... replacing ID is not so easy... especially since you need ID to get ID...

the ID, the old movie stubs, the transfers, the pictures.... heck... i know not to worry, but it can be so frustrating to know that you can do nothing about something that was more or less your own fault...

i'm frustrated, yes... and the easier thing for me to do would be to be angry at the whole thing... but what good'll that do me?

what else can i do but pray? the only thing keeping me calm about this is my faith... my belief that this is a situ that the Lord has put me in for a purpose..

funny.. last night, i wasn't scared to call my parents and tell them about it.. i mean, i aleady did all that i could've done -- wait for the bus to turn around, ask each bus driver passing me, call the dispatch center for the bus routes i was on for information, calling the lost articles division at Bay subway station downtown (still doing that too!)...

between waiting for the next bus, i could do nothing but pray, try to keep myself calm..
before and after each call to Bay station, i can do nothing but pray, that it will turn up eventually...
on each bus -- sitting down, standing up -- i haven't had earphones in my ears because i can do nothing but pray...

i started this with a question in my head, asking, "what is God preparing me for?" He knows i'm frustrated... but maybe He put me in this situ because He knows i can handle it....

lost my old phone, lost my car [to insurance] [and with it my freedom], my wallet... yes, it's frustrating... except this time, i'm praying a lot more about everything... and i know it's helping me -- even if my wallet isn't found, i'll thank Him for it.. i can't get angry at Him anymore...

remember that story about the guy in the bible... Job? i can't remember it exactly, [duh, haven't read it]... fictional story... God and Satan make this deal that no matter what God was to take away from Job -- his wealth, land, livelihood, family(?) -- Job won' turn away from God... something like that... i've always wanted to read it.. one of those "test of faith" stories... maybe i'll do that after my exam tomorrow...

i realize i am weak in this situ, i just pray that i have the streghth to endure it...
i just want to submit...this situ, exams, everything to the Lord... because i can't do this alone.

it's a frustrating experience for me, and i still have flashes of frustration, but... you: don't be frustrated about it.. only one of us needs to be. and i understand that even i don't need to be...

if anyone's out there... just pray for me.

i need all the help i can get at this point.