concerned? always....
prayers always made...
trust never broken...
John 3:16...
always learning, always...
there's another word, maybe..

---

today i finally overcame
trying to fit the world inside a picture frame
maybe i would tell you all about it
when i'm in the mood
to loose my way
but let me say

*you should
have
seen
that
sunrise
with your own eyes
it brought
me
back
to life

you'll
be
with
me
next time
i go outside
no
more
3
by 5s...

and yeah....

i wonder... have i lost a friend today?

reminds me of another time, when i was really close to someone...
i understand, all right... i got too close, i knew too much...
it's only *sounds like an angry statement
but i *do understand...

we're not so different...
not everyone *has to understand you,
but *i do,
even you don't understand it yourself...
i've been there,
-- *i am you, you are me* --

how noble of you to do this alone
-- something *i would do --
but don't think you have to

lay it all out
plot it out, but not in black in white
use in all the colours
paint the real picture
the pieces may be "scattered all around this room"
but "try to make sense of this puzzle"

repercussions
drum beats
rhythm and flow
same beat
same flow
same wavelength
same thought
same end

the things you found
are yours to keep,
to share

the things you threw away
can always be replaced
rebuilt
renewed
reborn

while you're gone
let the lord define you

{{{ [read the previous entry first!] }}}

     What is beauty? It`s been said that "beauty is in the eye of the beholder." Although we always try to define beauty in physical form, that definition is always changing; beauty is rarely defined in words. Is it something concrete, or is it an abstract idea? Is it something one can hold, or something one can lose? Can beauty be created, or destroyed? Can it be bought in a can, in a bottle, or in a tube?

     People love beauty. It is what makes people attractive. Even though one does not have a firm grasp of the idea of real beauty, many women and men are allured by that power of attraction, and so strive to be beautiful. They believe that the only way to be beautiful is to buy this, wear that, soak this, don`t eat that, apply this, shave that, work-out this, wax that. But beauty isn`t something that can be bought or created instantly. It is the ability to accept people as they are -- their charms, their faults, their hurts. And as with any skill or ability, it can be learned.

     I don`t refute the idea of outer beauty. But when people believe that they myst devote most of their time and effort into making themselves `beautiful,` it becomes a dangerous situation. As there are many women and men who use natural/artificial outer beauty as a weapon (as their way of manipulating others, they believe that the only power worth attaining is the power of attraction. And when the outer beauty fades with the passage of time, they are left with no power at all.

     We gather from the definition of beauty that relationships play a major role of defining a person`s inner beauty. In the beginning of a relationship, it`s very easy to see the good. Society teaches us to accept nothing less than perfect. Unfortunately, people are so wrapped up in their misconception of beauty -- the reason they are in love -- that they either fail to see the imperfections and accept them, or fool themselves into believing the imperfections don`t exist.

     And as soon as his faults begin to surface, she begins to see his `imperfections,` and may want to distance herself from him. He, seeing how she doesn`t accept that he has faults, sees her as being less beautiful, less attractive, and less worthy of love. Rinse, lather, repeat.

     It may be even more hurtful when one`s hurts are involved. If she begins to share her hurts with him -- her problems, with her friends, burdens with siblings, parents -- he may try to run away from her; why should he burden himself with her problems? When she sees what he is doing, the same thing happens -- he becomes less beautiful in her eyes. Not only that, but now that she has exposed herself to emotional pain, she will probably get hurt.

     If she would only accept even the tiniest personality `flaw` that she could identify in him, if he would only accept her problems, no matter how difficult or trivial, and help carry those burdens... beauty would be displayed in it`s truest form -- as the ability to accept a person in their completeness and totality.

---

     It is human nature to be attracted to beauty. That`s why i have a girlfriend. She tells me she`s not beautiful, no matter how many different ways i tell her otherwise. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever met -- not only because of the outer beauty she denies having, but because of her inner beauty, that which I seen and witnessed -- that which I have tried to make her realize. She accepts me as I am, with all my hurts, with all my faults, with all my shortcomings. I don`t have much to offer her as a jobless college without a car (anymore). Yet she acepts what little I can offer -- my listening ear, my life experiences, my thoughts, my patience, my shoulder for her to lean on, my writings, my love -- and she accepts it with the grace of a princess, of a queen.

---

Jackie, you are beautiful.
I don`t know how else to tell you.
Thank you, for being `beautiful` to me.

You are beautiful.
Inside and out.

i love you.

perhaps i could be your king one day......... ;)

it's been a good 3 weeks since i last posted anything here, but that's because i've been working on a pet project -- namely the following blog. I've been soooo busy with summer school, i haven't had time to work on it, so.....

Back in April [19th to be exact], i had to write an essay that was in response to an essay entitled "Beauty" by Susan Sontag.
The response question was:

Define your own idea of beauty. Is it an internal or an external quality?

I remember that i really liked that essay. so since then, i have been trying to reconstruct it with bits and pieces of my memory. The following blog is what i would have come up with, had i been given enough time to finish it.

i didn't want to post a half-assed essay, so...
Happy *belated* anniversary, Jackie...

lubs!

[that template update will have to wait...]

wow, i did so much travelling today... how much you ask?

---

reached McCowan and Steeles at 7:05am
got to scarborough town center at 7:30am
at kennedy station by 8:00am
got to sherbourne station by 8:40am,
     only to find out that the TTC photo ID place is open from 12pm to 5pm only
     [need one, for my metropass, in lieu of a driver's license]
     bumped into my good friend christina calayca from YFC at the station
     she was on her way to school, while
      i was on a payphone with jackie
back at kennedy station by 9:10am
back to STC by 9:30am
at my school by 9:50am
kill time until my first class at 11:30am
     only to find out that that particular course is cancelled
     giving me another 4-hours to kill
back at STC by 1:00pm
at don mills station by 1:25pm
don mills north to finch
at seneca newnham by 1:45pm
     only to find out that jackie was no loger there
     [it's ok, jackie!]
     left a little note in her locker [the old "i was here!" note]
don mills back south, back at DMS by 2:20
sheppard-young station
all the way down to bloor-yonge station
transfer east one stop, back to sherbourne station
took my ID photo, done by 3:20pm
continued east to kennedy station by 3:40
back at STC by 4:00pm
back at school by 4:15pm
class started at 4:30pm
     and we only stayed for half-an-hour
back at STC by 5:20pm
     jackie had work, so
at bridlewood by 5:55pm [yes, 5:55pm]
left bridlewood at 9:45pm
McCowan and Finch by 10:10pm
McCowan and Steeles by 10:25pm
McCowan and 16th by 10:40pm [that's pretty fast]
home in 5 minutes, b/c my dad was coming home and picked me up as i was walking [thank goodness]

---

did anyone do a count?

STC
Scarborough RT south
Kennedy
Bloor Line west
Bloor Line east
Kennedy
Scarborough RT north
STC
[school]
STC, Rocket to DMS
[seneca newnham]
Sheppard Line west
Yonge-University-Spadina Line south
Bloor Line east [for one stop]
Bloor Line east again
Kennedy Station
Scarborough RT north
STC
[school]
STC
etc., etc.

Scarborough RT -- 3 times
Bloor Line west -- 4 times
Sheppard Line west -- once
Yonge-University-Spadina Line -- once
[went on every subway line at least once!]

Kennedy Station -- 3 times
Scarborough Town Center -- 5 times!!!

---

*whew* including typing all this out, i've had an 18-hour day... funny how only 30 minutes of it was spent in actual class, and we didn't even learn anything! i'm just glad i don't have school tomorrow... still must travel to scarborough for a guarantor's signature for ID replacement and all...

wait, did i say i got a photo ID for a MetroPass? i did, didn't i...? then that means......

[trips till i save money with my MetroPass --> 2 / 52]
i'll kick the TTCs ass *this month, too!

whoo-hoo!

...so i updated this blog to the new version of Blogger yesterday... for some reason, i couldn't get to the interface..! but now that it was fixed, i can bolg again! whoo-hoo! BTW, the new Blogger looks pretty cool -- upgrade [if you think you can handle it]! be aware that there are probably still bugs that need to be fixed, but i'm prety cofortable with it already.. so long as i do'nt lose my blog and all....

....so i officially start school tomorrow... what was that, you ask? did i say start school? but school just ended! [or, for you high-school kids out there: it's still spring!] yup, sure did! i start my 3rd semester of college tomorrow.. not only that, 3 of the 4 core courses are from my program's 4th semester! so basically, i'm taking half of my 3rd and half of my 4th now...

{[i wonder if you got that? read it slowly...]}

...so i woke up at 6:57am.. and found myself in the car with dad at 7:02am... how many people do you know, who could get ready and be out the door in 5 minutes? now you know one.....

why go to school so early if i don't even have classes today?
had to fix my sked with my program co-ordinator... my sked's awsome!! after the first 1/2 of the semester, i have monday AND wednesday off! HA -- all you people who didn't wanna take summer school with me... should've just joined me, 'cuz Tuesday and Thursday are my only real days of class.. friday's a morning-only! muah-hah-hah

so.. after a visit to chico's place, i went to jackie's school.. damn, now that's one gigantic campus... shoot, it might at well've been two... yeah, it just started to rain as i got there...

and it's been raining ever since... it's about 11:40pm right now... i love lightning-storms at night... so pretty... i wanna be one of those lightning photographers one day.. you know, when i'm rich and i have more time and really good equipment...

well, school'll be pretty easy this week, so i'll spend it by replacing my ID.. after i get my birth certificate mailed to me... did you know it takes three weeks and a $35 fee to get a wallet-sized birth cert. replaced? and i'm not about to pay an extra $15 for same-day service, so... after that, i can get the rest of my ID again.. pain in my -----

heh, i just notinced that i wasn't
.speaking in code.
anymore... all considering my Visual Basic couse is done now, so... one last time...

Next Blog's (final) VB Code will be:
Overwrite(lblBlogCaption.Txt) = "A Year Without Summer"

fun-fun-fun.