(Creativity + Variety) / Spontaneity = Romance

(thanks for the editing help, hun!)

Women hate it when they drop hints for you, and you don't pick up on them. They already hate the fact that they have to drop such obvious hints; it doesn't help that guys can be clueless that way. Hints like when a woman wants you to be sweet and romantic with her. But after a fun(!) (and very enlightening!) conversation with Jackie this afternoon, here's what I learned.

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(1st and foremost) There is a difference between being sweet and being nice.
Often times, the difference between sweetness and nicety is unclear. Let's illustrate with some examples:

I can go out and buy her lunch. I can pay for her movie one time. I can carry her bag(s), I can get books from her locker. I could get her a pillow from the couch if she's uncomfortable, or a blanket if she's cold. I can bring her a plate of food or bring her a drink when the YFC assembly is done.

Notice how I didn't say Jackie. The point is: I can do all those things for anyone. It might be sweet for me to do those examples for Jackie the first few times, but... it eventually loses its sweetness. It simply becomes a nicety.

Conversely, since I could do those things for anyone, anyone could do those same things for her. The sweetness is lost over time because it eventually becomes habit to be nice to people -- to anyone. Sure, those are nice things to do: but it's no longer anything overly-special to her.

(Of course, this doesn't mean that you stop being nice to women, but you get the idea.)

(2nd) Sweetness lies in creativity and variety.
Creativity shows the willingness to go the extra mile to make her...smile. Buying her a card from Hallmark that says exactly what you feel (while adding your own little blurb) isn't the same as one that you take the time to make. A 10-page e-mail isn't the same as a 2-page letter by hand -- stamped and sent through the mail. A poem you type out isn't the same as a written one. Photography can be creative (digital or otherwise); PhotoShopping a collage and making an 8x10 is even more so.

While everyone is creative in their own special way, variety shows the willingness to be creative.
Once in a while, buying her lunch or buying her that popular stuffed toy from the Disney Store that she didn't really ask for but secretly wanted is sweet. Buying her lunch every day and buying a new stuffed toy once a week is nice. Commenting on how good her hair smells once in a while is sweet. Complimenting her every day in the same ways every time is nice.

(3rd) There is no specific time to be sweet and romantic.
Women already hate the fact that they have to drop us hints on when to be romantic. Apparently, we should always be trying to do sweet things as often as possible. (So long as it's not once every 6 months.) Women love surprises. Pleasant surprises! While it might be sweet to do everything she tells you do for her, that's easy. Anybody can follow orders. Not everybody can be spontaneous once in a while.

(4th) Every girl has their own definition of romance.
There is no cookie-cutter way to be romantic. While these may be guidelines with a few examples, they are just that: guidelines and examples. The examples in the 1st point above give examples and opportunities for you to find out what her specific definition of romance is. Romance isn't about meeting expectations; the goal is to discover her expectations of romance, and exceed that expectation -- everytime.

Keep in mind that her definition will change as you continually exceed those expectations. This is why variety is necessary: variety in expense and extravangance. Don't feel pressured to spend more than you have. Contrary to popular belief, the cost and size of the gift does not reflect the size of your heart: the time and thought poured into the gift does.

To make it easy to remember, Jackie and I have devised this equation:

(Creativity + Variety) / Spontaneity = Romance.

Sweetness (creativity and variety), divided by moments without needing to be told "this is your cue!" (spontaneity) equals a puddle of mush in your hands (romance).

It's all quite mathematical, really...