Day 39: Balancing Your Life

I was home alone for a while last night. Cooked some porkchops for myself. The smell of cooking food, the time it takes to prepare something good, taking the food out of the pan, getting rice... I realized how lonely it can be to cook dinner for one.

I grew up in a full house (most of the time). Two older brothers have gone and got themselves married. I don't see my sister much: despite living in the same house. Now that everyone's growing up -- growing ahead of me -- here at home, with YFC. I wonder if I've done enough for God up to this point. I wonder if I'm fulfilling my real purpose. I wonder if I've been making myself available to the things God needs me to do here.

I had no company, so I read yesterday's chapter as I ate (Day 38: Becoming a World-Class Christian). Out loud. Re-read sections before moving on to the next. I had originally felt that I was being "left behind" for a reason: this is where God needs me to be. There's some unfulfilled purpose for me here. And I was content with that.

But that didn't explain why I still had the feeling of being...stuck. I know that I don't see myself doing YFC full-time work. (Not yet, anyway.) But why should that stop me from doing some short-term mission work? There's something about going to a new place on mission: The feeling that God is trusting you -- specifically you -- to be part of something bigger than your immediate community.

And that's why I've felt stuck. I've been stuck. Who cares if I've never been asked to go on a mission trip bring CFC/YFC to other cities; When have I made myself available? To paraphrase a line from Win a Date with Tad Hamilton: -- "You're chances of getting hired go up after your hand in an application."

I want to bring YFC elsewhere. And I want people to come with me, to grow with me. People who never thought that they'd be a part of history. Then they will see (as I also hope to see) God's power working through their thoughts, their hands, their mouths. Then they will know the privelege living a godly life: the life not for their own success, but for God's success. That is my purpose.

Lord, this is my application. On your timing, use me to give you the nations.