so i just got back from another evening stroll in my neighbourhood.

...this whole past year has moved by so quickly. starting from may 2004 with the old E2's chapterheadship, last year's conference, finishing my chapterheadship, my first part-time job since starting college, being let go from that job 2 months later, a relationship "break," my first full-time office job (merry christmas to me), an official breakup, starting and finishing my CLPs for SFC, east sector band and YFC precon, SFC households, being laid off, lost friendships (for what seems like the millionth time), SFC national band, the opportunity to travel for the summer outside of both the SFC and YFC conferences... and all the service in between, of course.

and i KNEW that once i made the decision to travel (and was at peace with it!), my old workplace calls me up and requests to have me back next week.

a blessing, of course. ...of course? i was so at peace with the decision to go. AND excited! i was so ready to claim that extraordinary life that God's promised...

...but i suppose God wouldn't let me have it that easy. if i really did WANT to go, i would give up this opportunity to work.

i guess the real question that God's posed to me now is... "what are you willing to sacrifice?"

...if i stay, i'll always be wondering, "what if i DID go on that trip?" God knows how i love travel... how i love to discover things. when will i ever get that kind of opportunity again? and if i go, i already know that God will provide for me. but this recall to work must also be God providing for my future...

oh God, where are you? where do you want me? are you there, in those destination airports? or are you preparing me to settle down here, way in advance?

...Lord, you know i'd want to do both. to travel, AND settle. but there will be other chances to travel AND serve, i hope. C4, NW7, and about 8.5 more years to go, right?

---

it's kinda funny, how i was strolling (travelling!) around my neighbourhood earlier, through streets i've never been through before (it's a big area). ...and i found this nice park that reminded me of my old place in Scarborough. Even though it looked nothing like it.

...make my life mean something // something worth remembering // something worth living and dying for.