the blog that took a week.

is there any way to know when it's over?
when will you show her when you'll be done?
is there any day that slowly rolls over?
...and that you will know where the last wall was?

oooohh... how will you ever know?
how will you know?
how will you ever know, when you're...

sleeping at the crash site; walking on the wreckage
of somebody's past life -- another one's old love.
where the fire burned... the grass began to grow!
nobody walks there... everybody knows that.

oooohh... how will you know?
(singing) oooohh... how will you know?
how will you know... if you've been...

is there anyone who pulled it off easy:
spoke what they were thinking
and moved on to the next city?
and is there anyone who let them down gently...
and moved onto the next night on?
i don't know them

oooohh... how will you know?
oooohh... how will you know, that you've been...

sleeping at the crash site; resting on the wreckage
of somebody's past life -- somebody's old life!
sleeping at the crash site; resting on the wreckage
of somebody's old love! somebody's old love...

[people have the right to fly.
and well, when it gets compromised...
airports see it all the time...
i was gonna play Wheel; now i changed my mind.]

sleeping at the crash site! resting on the wreckage
of so much old love! so much old love...

i can feel your body when i'm lying in my bed.
there's too much confusion running 'round through.................

- john mayer - simmering medley

---

"people have the right to fly..."
-wheel, john mayer

i was half-an-hour late last Friday, but it let my mind turn my focus away from trying to make it work on time... and towards other things i've wanted to focus on, but simply haven't given the time to think about.

for once, it wasn't a bad idea.

after a week of general and specific semi-confusion about God's direction for my life, where he wants me to go or stay, and what he wants me to do (or doesn't want me to do)... what new things to try, and which promises i simply must pray harder for... i came to a(nother)/(simple, but hard) realization.

---

so yes. Friday means Sorrowful Mysteries:
the agony in the garden
the scourging at the pillar
the crowning of thorns
the carrying of the cross
the crucifixion

as i started with the agony... >> jesus SO knew that his hour was coming close... even from the time he was a child, he knew it was coming... in the garden, he still feared what god asked of him ("if you would let this cup pass over me...") but at the end of the night, he trusted his father ("not my will, but thy will be done.").

and to think that he could've just ended is own physical/emotional suffering -- the scourging, the crown of thorns, the heavy cross -- and turn things around on his oppressors.. instead, he trusted so deeply in his father so as to obey his plan through the pain.

and while he endured both the physical pain and the humiliation of the crucifixion, while he hung there helpless... he pleaded forgiveness for the very people who hung him there -- for his father's mercy on those he was meant to die for.

and with his dying breath, he speaks to his father... "into your hands, i commend my spirit."

---

realization 1: what absolute trust he displayed in god's perfect plan for him.

realization 2: "........that while meditating on these mysteries of the most holy Rosary of the Blessed Virgin Mary, that we may both imitate what they contain and obtain what they promise..."

i, too, must trust... the way jesus did, and because jesus did. not only in god's perfect plan for myself, but for others as well(!). i am only one man; i cannot (and should not!) be there for everyone. but first and foremost, i must be there for God.... and trust that he is near to all that i (still) hold dear. people have the right to fly.

---------
as the years went:
jan 1 2003 - growth
jan 1 2004 - change
jan 1 2005 - choice(!)
jan 1 2006 - ......when we get there. but i've an idea.
---------

ps - shouts to all of the members of what i'd like to call 'the morning club.' founding members and new ones!