right girl at the wrong time, or wrong girl at the right time? pt.2

{Click here and here for required reading first! [And take in (the persona) below.]}

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...So if you've ever been in a relationship, then you know what the bliss period is. Some of you may currently be here. It's those first few weeks and months when (just about) everything about your partner is acceptable -- their personality (including their quirks), the way they treat their friends and family (as well as you), their past experiences (as much as they've shared with you), their plans for their own future (hoping that there is some kind of plan), their view of your relationship (this grows and changes along the way), and how big (or small) a part that their faith plays in their lives. A bliss period can span quite long if the circumstances are right. And who knows? Maybe this is the right person for me. Everything just seems and feels so right this time.

...But then certain things start to get in the way. As hurtful as it is to admit it, flaws start to appear, or unfavourable circumstances start to occur (of course, it's bound to happen sooner or later). Maybe her family doesn't like me hanging around. How come he doesn't take me out as often? She doesn't really appreciate all the things I do for her. Is he just using me to help him through school? While we're on that note, my grades are falling way everyone's expectations: even my own! My parents are thinking of moving to the subsurbs, or even out of the province. He has no idea how I'm feeling right now, nor does it seem like he cares! She doesn't seem to have any motivation to succeed in life. We can't even share our faith with eachother! When things first started out, i was sure that they were the right person for me... but perhaps all the ways i'm getting hurt is just circumstances getting in the way of our relationship at the moment. Maybe it's just the wrong time for us.

...And if you're lucky, you learn how to deal with the circumtances. You learn patience (to not let the way you feel control the way you act and react). You learn forgiveness (of others, as well as self-forgiveness). You learn how to love more deeply. And things resume as they were before.

...But sometimes we're unlucky. The circumstances that God puts you through start to become unbearable, even despite the efforts to allow God to take control of them. Arguments over small things begin to pile-up. My patience has been wearing thin. He hurt me so badly this time that forgiveness is the farthest thing from my mind. All my sacrifices for her haven't amounted to anything in her mind. In all this time, I let myself be blinded by his charm that I didn't see him using it for selfish reasons. In all this time, I let myself be blinded by her beauty that I didn't see her abusing my forgiving heart. So maybe this is the wrong person after all. And when I pray... I feel (and i fear!) that God's put me in these circumstances to tell me that this is the wrong time to be in a relationship altogether.

[Alternatively, the right person wouldn't treat me this badly! I can tell that they're definitely the wrong person. Now's the right time for me to leave!]

Oh, dear God, but it hurts so much! I was so sure of everything back then... I understand that you gave me the gift of emotions, and feelings for this person. Why did you lead me to them? I even prayed before getting myself in this relationship. And I prayed for your blessing throughout it as well (............when things were rough.) And now you've led me away from them. Don't you love me, God? Why did you let me go through all those happy feelings... only for me to end up so hurt in the end?

...Maybe you had friends who were trying to tell you that they weren't treating you as you deserved. Or that you were being way to optimistic of unrealistic. Everything always turns out in the movies; how come it didn't turn out for me? I believed in Love. Hopefully those friends haven't given up on you by the time you reach this point. Although good friends will tell you that they treated you like crap and that you deserve so much better..... better friends will share in your suffering. Better friends will also tell you the truth. So maybe I didn't treat them so perfectly-well in every situation, either. Better friends will continuously look for ways to re-assure you that God has a perfect plan in everything -- in his perfect timing.

...but you know what? God taught me so much about myself in this time! He put me through all of those circumstances to prepare me for the one whom he has planned for me... the one who is truly deserving of everything I can give them. Until then, I must still do my part to be 'right' by God's standards. So even if they ended up being the wrong person (i.e., not being the person that God intends for me).... it all happened in the right time. My friends have re-assured me that God has a plan, and i've seen how he's helped them out before -- even despite their feelings. My experience will help someone someday...

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Everyone, please remember: God never wastes a hurt! Despite the hurt feelings, despite mistake and sin... he'll use our painful experiences for good someday! We've all had some kind of experience wherein we can share with someone going through a rough time in their life: "i know how you feel... i went through exactly the same thing!" ...and the "right/wrong person at the right/wrong time" scenarios are just examples of hurts that some of us have gone through that will eventually help someone else someday. At the same time, we can learn so much from the experience ourselves (e.g., forgiveness and patience in the above scenario). Most people just need a listening ear and an understanding heart for them to get through the rough times.

Like I said, it was never really an either/or question, nor a 'choose-the-lesser-of-two-evils' kind of situation. When I gave context to the two phrases (a storyline, if you will), the definitions were formed. When circumstances changed, definitions also changed -- but so did our outlook on the situation. Likewise, our own past storylines will make the definitions, our future circumstances will make the changes, and our outlook on everything (here's hoping!) will improve. In the end, we realize that God can use any hurts in my life for greatness.

....but for argument's sake...? my own experience has taught me that the 'right time' (for a relationship in our case) is when God deems me ready for one. Everything follows from that. (See my last comment here for what I mean.) Of course, this means (as Migs put it) getting my slow-ass to act once he's prompted me, and not a moment sooner (nor a moment later! It might be too late by then!).

(I'll let that open-up a whole new can-o'-worms.)

(PS: This was a good read.)