.because it's been far too long.

i've (re-)realized that time is the one resource i have that i must spend wisely. i am sorry that i have not given time to some friends who have trusted me with their time. to friends who have spent time to share things with me over the past few... years. i do intend to share some time with you -- coffee, phone, email, random mall or bus meeting -- and so even if it's short, it will be time well spent. i have not forgetten you. in fact, i have often thought about you. all of you.
i have been praying about a lot of things over the past few months. and deeply -- throughout my two-week stay in Fort McMurray, and since returning two days ago. (I will tell you all about it when I'm in the mood to lose my way with words.)

i've learned that...though i thought i had many questions since the previous note, i've realized that -- in truth -- there are few questions that are worth asking (now). many of those questions were answered long ago. other answers i simply refused to accept because they hurt. because i refused to believe that i could hurt [(others)]. that i could be a source of lasting hurt. that i could simply be unbearable.

i do believe in growth, though. i hope that i am growing the way that God intends. and if it's anything like jesus... i hope that i my bear my intended burden to the end.

i may fast, but the devil doesn't eat.
i may pray without ceasing, but he doesn't sleep.
i may study my scriptures, but he knows them cover-to-cover.
but i may bear humility... and against it, he is powerless.

...and with the few questions that have remained, the start of the search begins simply. and ends simply.

...in the next blog. will you all join me in its prayer?